A tale of pointy noses
Once upon a time a fair and faraway land, a hypothetical people faced a very hypothetical problem. The only thing left to eat was a very vague-smelling, non-singing bird that hid in nests inside hollow trees with tiny tight holes as doors. These nutritious birds had a small chance of hiding in a tree with a hole in it. Only people with very thin and pointy noses could fit their snoots through the holes and detect the very vague and musky scent of the birds.
This peculiar situation made it so that two groups of people did very well in this new environment; people with long pointy noses and people that were sexually attracted to long pointy noses.
Two hundred years later the people of the hypothetical society now had on average much longer and pointier noses. A pointy nose was the talk of the town. Every kid had a poster of their favorite superhero with an absurdly long and pointed nose.
Around this time the people learned how to use agriculture to farm food. This quickly replaced the birds as the main source of nutrition, and pointy noses now had no real purpose anymore. However, that did not change the fact that a sexual preference for big, juicy noses had been bred into the people by necessity.
Two hundred years later again, even though the pointy nose was of no use it had remained a status symbol. The lacking evolutionary need had allowed many smaller nosed individuals to survive, let us give these individuals a derogatory name for convenience — pugs. Since almost everybody, regardless of nose length and pointiness, were instinctively attracted to noses on the pointer side, the pointy noses inevitably formed a sort of unspoken exclusive club.
The pugs grew to hate this club. How come they could not get a pointy-nosed partner that they so desperately and deeply yearned for? After all, the nose was of no use anymore. "It should not matter how your nose looks. Other things should matter instead, like how good frog-muffins you can bake. Yes, this sounds much better for my future prospects".
The pointy-noses were busy all day with looking themselves in the mirror and enjoying the scent of their own flatulence, in which origins they fondly explored using each other's long snouts. Although on paper they agreed with the pug manifesto of anti-nose-fixation, their actions told a different story. It was just more convenient to have the sympathy of the pugs than to live among them in open defiance. This was true to the point of the pointy-noses actually wholeheartedly and sincerely counting themselves among the pugs. Of course, they would never date one. Just personal preference, you know.
Different pugs employed different tactics to combat this surely inexplainable black-magic phenomenon. Some based their whole lifestyle around trying to compensate for the horrors of being lackluster in the nose department. They used any means available to conjure money so they could buy fancy clothes, a big hut, and a fast dinosaur which they could ride on obnoxiously in the village center.
Others tried to imitate having the desired trait, gluing carrots and other comical phallus-shaped contraptions to their stumpy noses to get the sweet rush of being precious and wanted by society. And many a young pug fell for their sorcery. Even though it was fake, it still managed to arouse them — they wanted so bad to believe they could have such a prized possession.
A third type concluded, never having known the pleasure of sporting a grotesquely long nose, that all life was suffering and the only way to escape was to meditate one's self out of existence. If one was living in complete nothingness, there could be no noses whatsoever, and thus no suffering. Ironically, the hypothetical person with the longest nose in living history came to this conclusion too. Namasté.
Eventually, after a million long winters, the pugs had turned into a twisted species of hypothetical primate commonly referred to as orcs. They groveled around in the mud looking for worms to mirthfully ingest. The shape of their limbs could no longer be seen, all one stared upon was a fleshy and malformed bag adorned with an asymmetrical face and a few painted nails. Their physical development suggested that their unknown inner motive had long been to return to the earth from which they came. A sort of slow subconscious and multi-generational regression back to soil.
The pointy noses had gone extinct and were long gone. As they beheld the descent of the pugs they grew ever more convinced that to return to the old ways, where the first pointy noses originated from, was the right way. They went back into the old woods and forcefully thrusted their now absolutely horrifyingly long noses into the holes of old trees and sniffed aggressively while crying. Yearning for the sweet smell of that good old vague-smelling, non-singing bird. But alas, it was not the same! The bird could no longer please their disgustingly big and unproportionately sized nostrils. Eventually, their growing nihilism turned their sexual preferences kinky enough that they would no longer instinctively reproduce and their reign on earth came to a futile and undramatic end.
But as the last drop of life seems to escape this once happy hypothetical people (I actually edited this post right now while you were reading it), a new hypothetical piece of evidence has been found that surely confirms that a small society of hypothetical people managed to sneak off and set up a thriving society that outlasted many dark and stormy eons. The most surprising thing was the way they looked. Their appearance was really. But also of equal importance was the gracious way they handled the whole pointy-nose-situation. They simply found.
Those cute little birds sure did cause a lot of trouble down the line. They unknowingly propelled a whole species down a harrowing spiral of dissolution and despair to the brink of destruction. Some would call it justice, after all, the birds were preyed upon. Others believe it was a mere sadistic twist of fate by whatever malevolent demiurge that queefed us into existence. But after all, it is just a fairy tale with no correlation to real-life whatsoever, so let us get on with our lives.